The Parking Lot

My famous quote is: I have long maintained that the most important things in a mom's life are learned in the parking lot after a PTO meeting.

It may sound silly, but the reality is that every time my husband needed information and I was able to provide it, he would say, "How did you know that?" The answer always seemed to be, "Well, when I was talking to So-and-So in the parking lot, she told me about ..."

I have learned how to sign up for rec. department programs, where to get science fair project boards on sale, and when to camp out in line to assure that we get recital tickets. I have been privy to admissions of infidelity, disclosures of families who couldn't afford new coats, and knowing who is on Prozac. I found out about math homework websites, recipes for picky eaters, and great ideas for birthday parties.

Agendas in hand, fund-raising packets completed, armies of PTO moms hit the parking lots after meetings each month, thinking that they are going to get into their cars and drive away. In reality, the only time that actually happens is when the meetings run over and threaten to make the moms miss American Idol or Grey's Anatomy. The rest of the time, what actually transpires is that a benign comment is casually thrown from one minivan to the next, something such as "See you at the bake sale," and then before you know it, a conversation is born.

"The bake sale? Oh, I can't make that. Tommy has a game."
"Oh, Billy has a game, too, but I'm going to drop him off, and then run over to the bookstore to look for something before it's time to pick up at the game, and then I’ll go back to the bake sale."
"What are you looking for at the bookstore?"
"A cookbook for gluten-free meals. Harvey just got diagnosed with celiac disease."
"You don't say! Lou’s brother has celiac, too, and we need to really plan when they’re coming over for the holidays.”
“Well, we found gluten-free things at that health food store on the highway, but it’s so expensive, so I thought I’d better learn how to make some things myself.”
“That makes sense, but have you tried the Whole Harvest store in Smithfield? It’s not expensive.”
“The one in the plaza with the granite place?”
“Yes. In fact, we got our granite countertops at that place. They were so nice to us!”
“Well, they should be. The owner’s wife is Mrs. Jones, the fifth grade teacher at the kids’ school. It wouldn’t be good if they ticked off the students’ families, right?”

And on and on it goes. Who knows whom, this one’s related to that one, bargains to be had, socials studies projects, carpools to dancing, sales on helmets, etc. Before there was Google, there was the Parking Lot. And now that Google exists, the Parking Lot is even busier than before – a veritable swap meet of information, all valuable and relevant, and all because of moms.

Fragile X and FXTAS

Our very close friends and former next door neighbors moved to Florida more than 20 years ago, but we are still close. Sophie has two kids, Nina and Matt. Nina is married to Parker and has a son, Josh, now 20. Josh has Fragile X syndrome, a genetic disorder that manifests itself similarly to autism/mental retardation/developmental disorders, etc. Fragile X has only been studied since it was identified about 20+ years ago. Since then, of course, much research has been done about the syndrome and about the kids identified with it. Of course, many adults have it, too, but years ago they only went as far as to identify that these people had special needs, never fishing for a very specific cause. That being said, almost all of the literature out there is about Fragile X kids, not adults.

Our friend Sophie, now in her early 80's, developed some mobility, balance, and dementia-like issues very recently, and after being misdiagnosed with no specific cause first, then Parkinson's second, they finally found out the real culprit. She was tested, and she carries the Fragile X gene, but does not have Fragile X syndrome. Her daughter Nina also carries it, but does not have the syndrome, either. Because Nina's son Josh has Fragile X syndrome, Nina did some networking and found a doctor in California who is doing research on just this topic - the grandparents of Fragile X kids having dementia-like or Alzheimer's-like symptoms later in life, coming on suddenly. It turns out that there is a definite link, and the problem is called FXTAS. It took such a long time to find this information because there is so little info out there about Fragile X kids' parents or grandparents at this point. It was important to identify the exact cause, of course, because it determines the proper treatment.

So why am I telling you about this? Because it seems that there are probably a lot of older adults out there who are affected with symptoms that are automatically attributed to Parkinson's or Alzheimer's when, in fact, they are actually exhibiting symptoms caused by the Fragile X gene. If you know kids with Fragile X syndrome, you might want to let their families know about this information since it can potentially be an issue for the kids' parents or grandparents. A simple DNA test for Fragile X syndrome will tell if a person is a carrier.

The website which explains a lot is http://www.fragilex.org/html/fxtas.htm. There is also a great organization called FRAXA that has been supporting Fragile X research right from the time when this disorder was identified. You can find the site at www.fraxa.org.

As I've said for many years, the best information is always gleaned in the parking lot after a PTO meeting. Moms know this well. It's all about networking, sharing, and connecting, so from my virtual "parking lot," I wish you all the best, and hope that you or someone you know might benefit from this information.

Love the web

Over the years, I've become an internet junkie. Whether it's current events and news, shopping, jokes, or whatever, I think I could surf the web for twelve hours a day and not get bored. In response to my husband and kids teasing me about that, I thought I'd share some of my favorite sites.

1. http://www.amazon.com/ - The gold standard of online book shopping, Amazon has evolved into a site on which you can buy everything, not just books. Their prices are great, and I use the site a lot just to look up info.

2. http://www.cnn.com/ - Whether you love the news or hate it, or find biases in every bit of media, you have to love CNN just for its home page alone. You can get a pulse on what's going on the world in about three seconds, just by glancing at the main page. In Busy Mom World, anything that keeps you up to date in three seconds is good.

3. http://www.orientaltrading.com/ - This is the best place to find party stuff, school stuff, prizes, craft stuff in bulk, and so forth. For every mom who has put together a theme birthday party or goody bags, this site is the cheapest, and the minimun quantities are not a big deal. If you sign up for their e-mailings, you often get deals such as free shipping, discounts, etc.

4. http://www.vistaprint.com/ - I've been ordering business cards from them for many years. Their cards are printed on quality stock and always look very professional. I get them for myself so that when I drop my kids off somewhere, I can give the other mom my info. (cell phone number, dad's work number, etc.) in an efficient way. The cards look so good, actually, that my boss starting getting her business cards from them. Same story about signing up for e-mailings and getting great offers.

5. http://www.petfinder.com/ - If you have ever considered adopting a pet who needs a home, please check out this site. They are terrific.

6. http://www.speedypettags.com/ - We hate the jingling of tags, so we get collars with the dogs' name and phone number printed on the collar. These folks are very nice to deal with.

7. http://www.momnos.blogspot.com/ - This blog is written by one of my closest friends, an amazing, amazing writer. It's worth checking for new posts every week. While the majority of posts are about Bud, my friend's autistic son and her incredibly insightful thoughts about her experience of raising him, she tackles many topics. My favorite post ever was a recent one about hairdressers.

8. http://www.scrabulous.com/ - I am so hooked on this, it's obscene. If you love Scrabble, check this out.

9. http://www.airset.com/ - For those of us who don't own PDA toys, this online calendar is great. Not only can I manage my own life on it, but also the lives of all of my family members. Also, I can access it from any computer, and so can my husband. Airset sends you reminders about appointments and stuff, too.

10. http://www.chinaberry.com/ - This company started as simply mail order, and of course, evolved into internet shopping, as well. The beauty of this company, however, is that the reviews of each book or item are done by real people, real moms who can comment on why the item is a great choice or whom the item would best target. They only carry awesome things, picking and choosing their offerings very carefully. Love that.

11. http://www.skincheck.org/ - It's all about skin cancer. This non-profit group's website and work is all dedicated to the organizer's son who passed away from melanoma, a PREVENTABLE disease. I know the people personally, and their educational mission is to make sure that no young people ever lose their lives to skin cancer. I adore them personally and professionally. Check out the site, then check your skin.

Hope you like my list and my taste. I'll add more another time.

A dog's life

It's been a long time since the last post. Hey, we've been busy. The lab news, though, is all good. Well, mostly good.

April has settled in to our family and our routines. She is clearly the Alpha dog, whopping the stuffing out of Pepper every single day, but Pepper doesn't mind too much. He loves playing with April, and April certainly has boundless energy. The two chase each other all around the kitchen and family room, zooming at what seems to be a hundred miles an hour.

Now, anyone who knows labs knows that they have an innate need to run each and every day. Unfortunately, the weather doesn't always cooperate, and two labs running around a yard make a whole lot of muddy footprints, I'll tell you. But what happens when labs don't get to run off their steam every day? Let's see... Recently, we came home to black blobs all over the family room. It seems that ink cartridges (stolen from my desk) must be nice and crunchy because they were crunched up on the floor, there were black stains all over (and they don't come out!), and there was one very guilty-looking girl leaving black footprints all over the place. About a week later, we thought we'd come home to the same thing again, but this time it wasn't ink; it was a pound of coffee, the bag ripped open and the grounds all over. Hey, at least that mess vacuumed up!

So what is a lab owner to do to let the beasts run off energy when the weather or circumstances don't cooperate? Doggy daycare! I can't believe I didn't know about this before. A new business opened up right near our house, and it's a great place. They do dog daycare, boarding, grooming, and classes, but the best part is that for $15, I can leave a dog there to play for five hours - plenty long enough to exhaust the pooch, thereby leaving us with a perfectly behaved dog who has no desire to chew up my house or get into mischief.

The picture above (Pepper on the left, April on the right) is typical for the "after daycare buzz." It's good to be a dog in our house.

Heart to Heart

We knew April was heartworm positive when we adopted her, and we didn't mind. Heartworm treatment, we were told, involved two injections of medication that kills the adult worms, then a month later, an oral medication to kill the babies. We could do that, we thought. No problem.

The problem we didn't quite grasp was that during the month plus of treatment, the dog needs to be kept quiet: leash walking only, no exercise, no excitement, nothing that would make the dog's heart rate go up for long. Apparently, the little dissolving bits can make clogs, like an embolism, and can even kill the dog. The issue is that trying to keep a lab quiet is, as they said in Harry Potter, like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands. Labs don't keep quiet! They are maniacs, needing to run and jump and play for most of their waking moments. It's one of the qualities that makes labs so enjoyable and fun, but in this instance, it's a royal pain.

We have another three weeks or so before the oral medication appointment. It may not sound like much, but boy it seems like months!

April Fools

We have had April, our newly adopted rescue lab, for two weeks now, and we are having a blast with her. She is adjusting well, as are we. She seemed to adjust almost immediately, learning where her food and water are kept, what the "pottying" routine is, etc. We, too, learned how to manage two dogs instead of one, how to try to maintain Pepper as the alpha, and how to put away inappropriate things that April likes to chew. It's Pepper who has yet to make the adjustment.

Pepper is an interesting guy. At three years old, he's kind of mellow now, when once he was a crazy lab boy. He is not a barker. I don't know why, but he very rarely barks. He also rarely chases things like rabbits or squirrels, instead freezing in his tracks when he spots them. We certainly appreciate those traits, strange that they are for a lab. He also loves to play, but does not fetch like most retrievers do. He also does not like the playing into interfere with his afternoon naps. Apparently, he marches to his own drummer, but we're happy with his habits.

Along came April, though, and Pepper's world is now turned upside down. April is like the non-stop Energizer Bunny, never tiring and always looking to play. She bites Pepper's ears and legs, butt, tail, and private places that ought not be bitten. She shoves toys in Pepper's face until he joins in the tug-of-war which she enjoys so much, and she ALWAYS wins. She sits on his head, pins him to the ground, and puts her entire mouth around his neck. In short, she beats the stuffing out of him all the time...and he seems to love it. Despite Pepper's thirty pound advantage, he never gives it back to April. We're not sure why, but since they seem happy, we aren't interfering.

The one thing that we do mind is that April steals every single thing of Pepper's: his marrow bones, his rawhide, his tennis balls, and his cookies. In fact, April is so jealous of Pepper that if we are patting Pepper, she puts herself in between us so that we can't reach Pepper anymore. She's a stinker, but we love her.

And speaking of love, April has introduced us to a new way to express a dog's love: power kissing. She gives kisses with the force of a nail gun. We end up covered in dog drool, wiping glasses and needing paper towels to mop up. I know non-dog lovers will be totally grossed out, but we love it. In fact, we've had to try to reprimand her for trying to drill up our noses; even WE think that's gross!

So, here we are now - a two dog family who wishes we'd done the Labs4Rescue thing long ago. Pepper has a playmate, and we have a new baby. Pretty nifty, I'd say.

Gotcha Day

It's "Gotcha Day" at our house! We picked up the newest member of our family today - April! After a two hour drive to her foster family's house, we spent a couple of hours getting to know April and her foster mom and dad. They are fabulous, and we feel like we've made some life-long friends. Pepper and April play just like a brother and sister would, chasing, poking, biting, rolling, stealing... They adore one another already, and we are just so very happy.

Check out the pictures, and tune in soon when I'm awake enough to write some more.

Rescue Me

Our boy Pepper is three years old now. He's so much calmer than when he was a puppy, but he's still a lab. That means that he still has an inborn need to run like a maniac and play hard each and every day. While we are at work or activities or wherever we go, Pepper is bored. Granted, labs sleep the better half of the day away, but when they are awake, they enjoy being active and engaged. For that reason, we made the decision to get another black lab, a sister for Pepper.

We originally contacted the breeder from whom we got Pepper. She has been in the breeding and showing business for more than twenty years, raising champions, winning dog show trophies, and truly committing herself to the betterment of the breed. We trust her and love her dogs. The thought of "raising" a puppy again, however, was not the attractive part of getting another dog. Potty training, crate training, leash training, obedience training, and so forth just doesn't have the appeal it once had. We thought about the alternative of getting an adult dog who needs a home, and then we loved the idea once we looked into it.

Our first thought was simply to take a dog who had been retired from the breeding program, but since none were available at the present time, we looked into the idea of a rescue dog, and are we glad we did.

We hooked up with a rescue site (http://www.petfinder.com/), and the coordinator of that area's lab program gave us some startling information. She said,

"I work from the southern end of the rescue. In my local pound, the dogs are only allowed two days to get out (adopted). If they are not out in two days, they are euthanized in a gas chamber by large amounts at a time. Last year in my city alone, 6200 dogs were euthanized. There were 4000 labs, adults and puppies, euthanized out of that number. It is heartbreaking to know that this is happening and I cannot save them all. (The dog we are interested in) was a lucky one. This is all due to the fact of people not spaying and neutering (their pets). So, I am very against breeding when we have labs dying daily, at least until we can get this population problem under control. When I have to go to the pound and know that I only have room for one or two dogs, it is so hard to walk those kennels and know that I am deciding their destiny, and the ones left behind are always bearing down on my mind. It is so not fair for these dogs, but they do suffer because the humans have failed them. I know that this is not the side that most people want to hear, but it is reality."

After learning that, we were certain that going the rescue lab route was the right choice.

Pepper is being neutered tomorrow. We didn't neuter him when he was younger because the lab expert and co-breeder of Pepper at our vet suggested that we wait. She said that if he wasn't behaving improperly, then why put him through the surgery? Also, because Pepper is really, really gorgeous, she thought we might want to look into breeding him at some point. While we, ourselves, didn't want to get into the breeding thing, we told her that she was welcome to take him for a week or whatever and use him if she wished to breed him. Once we learned all about the lab rescue world, though, we made an appointment to neuter Pepper immediately.

To help us to not feel guilty about our decision, the rescue coordinator said,

"We definitely suggest neutering. We do not adopt to families that do not spay and neuter their pets. It is a benefit to your pet, as well as assisting with the big picture. For male dogs, the biggest benefit is the prevention of prostate cancer. It also prevents unwanted behaviors and aggressiveness towards other male dogs. He might not show signs of this now, but it is likely this could be your future."

Our vet told us the same things, and also added that labs can get anal tumors later in life, and the "cure" for these is to neuter the dog. All things considered, we are certain we are making the right decision.

I'll keep you posted on the surgery and progress of our rescue lab situation. Thanks for reading!

Good-bye, old friend

I grew up in a great neighborhood. It was your typical suburban subdivision: built around 1960; all the houses a variant of the same model; made for two parents, two kids, one car, and a swingset. Most of the original owners were about the same age, so the kids were, too. We went out in the morning with the rest of the kids, played in different yards during the day, and our moms never knew where we were until we came in when the street lights went on. We were all close. Our moms all stayed home, and our dads all went to work. If my friend didn't like what his mom was making for lunch, he'd call me to see what we were having, and then come join us, not needing an invitation. No one locked their doors or cars. The moms had coffee by the pool, and the kids had crabapple fights in the woods. In a silly sense, it was like Leave it to Beaver Land.

I was the youngest kid in the bunch, and I loved it. I'll tell you more about all of the LabNeighbors another time, but for this post, I just want to tell you about Kathryn Maltese.

Kathryn was a force to be reckoned with. When I accidentally put my fingernail in my best friend Buddy Maltese's eye while playing basketball, Kathryn ripped a hole in me I'll never forget. She did the same when I told Buddy about Santa Claus (I HAD to tell him that he'd been duped. He was my best friend, after all.). By the same token, when she was happy, the world around her was happy, too, because her spirit was so infectious. She was incredibly moral and ethical, but also definite, freely expounding upon why her beliefs were right. The outstanding detail about Kathryn, though, is how religious she was. Her belief in Jesus and Catholicism colored her very being, and it made her one heck of a person. I loved Kathryn. I looked up to her, I admired her, and I often thought that I wanted my spiritual feelings to be strong like Kathryn's. I knew that Kathryn really loved me, too, because when I stayed at the Maltese's house when my parents were out of town visiting relatives, I overheard Kathryn saying to my mother before she left, "Don't worry. If anything happens to you, I'll have her baptized before the week is out." Talk about love - she honestly cared about my soul that much! I was truly flattered.

Kathryn Maltese passed away last week. She was 83. I got to have coffee with Kathryn about two weeks before she passed, and it was a great visit. Buddy's brother Chip was there, and the three of us had fun reminiscing about the LabNeighborhood, and how lucky we all were to have been a part of something that special. You don't find that same kind of thing these days. The thing I'm happiest about is that instead of saying something nice at a funeral, I was able to say all of the things I wanted to say right to Kathryn's face. I wanted her to know how much I cared about her and really appreciated her. She was glad I'd taken the opportunity to do that, and Chip was happy, too. He understood that after-the-fact is, in a way, kind of pathetic.

One of my very favorite quotes ever is this:

"I shall pass this way but once. If, therefore, there is any kindness I can show or any good deed I can do, then let me do it now, for I will not pass this way again." I try to keep it in mind all the time, but Kathryn lived it. I will miss her a lot.

Loafin' Around

It's been a long time, blog friends, but for a good reason: we just celebrated FirstKid's bat mitzvah. The preparations and such took months and months of free time and energy, but I'm back.

So, what has Pepper been up to, you ask? Well, years from now, when people ask if my daughter remembers anything interesting about her bat mitzvah, I think she'll reply with this:

The bat mitzvah was scheduled for 11:00 Saturday morning. Because we needed to be at the hair salon at 7:00 a.m., we knew we wouldn't be able to do much in the morning, so we got our challah (the braided bread which is blessed at the end of the bat mitzvah service) on Friday, and put it in the kitchen with some other things that we would need at temple the next day. On Friday evening, we all went to Shabbat evening services, and got home at about 8:00 p.m. As we entered the kitchen, we found an empty plastic bag on the floor and a very guilty-looking Pepper hanging his head. He'd pulled down the challah from the counter and eaten the entire thing!

It only took a few seconds to go from furious to hysterical amusement, but it was a pain to have to send my dad out early in the morning to find another challah in time for the bat mitzvah service. We made it, though, and Pepper enjoyed the weekend.

Everything Old is New Again

We've just finished the gift-giving portion of the holidays. Everyone seemed happy with their gifts, but I felt compelled to tell you about the three top hits. Despite the plethora of craft kits, play equipment, jewelry, books, and fun accessories, the hands-down favorites were the season 1 DVDs of Gilligan's Island, Wonder Woman, and Little House on the Prarie.

With FirstKid being twelve and SecondKid being nine, I would have expected their top five list to consist of That's So Raven, Hannah Montana, The Avatar, and so forth, but consistently over the past couple of years, they just love the old stuff. They watch Andy Griffith, Happy Days, Shirley Temple, Three's Company, Full House, and so forth. I have to say that as a parent, I am thrilled. These old shows were silly fluff, but they actually entertained you without offensive language or risque topics. We never have to worry about censoring those shows because they just never attempted to be inappropriate.

Now, Little House on the Prarie was a guaranteed hit because the kids had seen it before on cable. They've also read the books, and they just love it. Who wouldn't love Laura's do-good-but-have-fun attitude, or Michael Landon's sensitive tears? Who wouldn't love to hate Nelly Olsen and her mean mom? It also gave a little flavor for the American past. It's all good.

The Wonder Woman choice was inspired by the Halloween costume that SecondKid chose. She just loved the outfit and the idea of being a superhero. She didn't know the details of Wonder Woman's story. Now, however, she adores the show, the character, and the premise. She's learned a little about World War II, to boot. It's a classic good-guy-fights-bad-guy-and-wins-every-time story, and it's even better because the good guy in this is a very strong, very beautiful woman. Despite the plastic push-up bustiere, Wonder Woman is still a good role model.

Finally, Gilligan's Island is such a big hit in the house that it's all that they want to watch. Actually, LabDad adores it, as well, and remembers every episode, too. Yes, this show is kind of just pathetic goofiness with its slapstick humor and predictable story lines, but it is also G-rated. There is no profanity, no nudity, and nothing inappropriate. It's fun and upbeat, and even relies on classic tales for some stories (some Greek myths, etc.). I honestly believe that there is inherent value in something that just plain causes uncontrollable laughter in a child (or adult). Watching Gilligan's Island has become a family activity, and what could be better than laughing your head off with your kids?

I know there are plenty of DVDs out there that have much more value (educational, motivational, moral, etc.), but our three top gifts this year are choices I would make again and again for these rugrats of mine.

Top Five

I've been asked to share what my top five Christmas/holiday songs are. First, I have to tell you that we aren't Christian, so I've always kind of felt...guilty, maybe..for loving Christmas music; adjacent to, maybe, instead of part of, I guess, the holiday festivities. It's kind of a complicated thing, but just know that the bottom line is that I am in no position to review or pass judgement on Christmas music. However, I know what I like.

1. Jingle Bell Rock - I heard this song for the first time in fifth grade when my class did a winter play. We had to learn this song, among a handful of others, and I fell in love with the tune.

2. The Twelve Pains of Christmas - This spoof on the classic had me howling the first time I heard it as a late teen, and it's just about as funny still.

3. Auld Lang Syne - I freely admit that I like the Dan Fogelberg song, although it isn't actually the same song. Still, it's my list and I can like it if I want to.

4. Do You Hear What I Hear - see number 1; I fell in love with it in fifth grade.

5. a tie for the last slot: Put One Foot in Front of the Other from Santa Claus is Coming to Town, and I'm Mr. Heat Miser from The Year Without a Santa Claus - I'll bet I don't even have to explain the reference here, but just in case, these are two of the old claymation classics, and they are so awesome!

So, what about you?

So You Think Your Kid Can Dance

FirstKid is in a competitive dance troupe, and so far, she's loved every minute of it. In addition to the two and a half hours of regular technique class (ballet, jazz, tap, and pointe), she also goes to a one hour troupe class each week at which the current routine is taught and drilled. Competitions are held about five times per year, and this weekend was the first competition of this year.

I have to admit that the girls were simply out of their league at this event. While they certainly did their best and they looked good to me, they were far behind the other schools' teams in technical ability, polish, and creativity in choreography. Out of all of the schools of dance participating, they were the only school which got no awards at all. From my parental perspective, it makes no difference to me at all whether they win anything or not. The experience of competing and of learning how dance competitions and conventions work is valuable and exciting; the experience itself is the reward. Apparently, however, I am somewhat alone in my opinion.

The kids were understandably disappointed about their lack of awards, but the moms - oh, the moms. Out of the bunch of moms from our group, I was clearly the only one who didn't care about the awards. The rest were divided into two groups: the ones who complained about the teachers, the school, and the competition itself, and the ones who were wildly angry and ranted about the teachers, the school, and the competition itself. That latter group scared me.

Jane (no real names used) has two daughters who dance. Her older one, Sally, is a very talented ballet dancer who "outgrew" our studio, and moved on to a studio where ballet is taken very, very seriously. Her younger one, Molly, finally "outgrew" our current studio, but for her, it was all about the fact that she wasn't winning competitions with her group. She felt that she was capable of more, and may be correct, but more to the point is that she was not satisfied with the girls in the troupe. They didn't "want it" as much as she did. Whether their dancing reflected it or not, I think Molly would have been happier with them if they had been willing to rant and rave and carry on as much as she did. (Of note is that Molly, while technically doing everything right, is not innately graceful.) More significant to me was that Jane was so upset by every aspect of the weekend. The teachers were pathetic, the routines were pathetic, the school's owner was pathetic... You get the point, I'm sure. The first thing out of her mouth when the girls came out of the awards ceremony (empty-handed) was a comment about their loss, not anything about how well they had done, their effort, etc. Jane ignited a whole box of fireworks of comments and conversations, none of which were healthy or helpful. It really bothered me that she would likely be a role model to some of these girls. I didn't want them to think that it was all about winning, but none of the other moms seemed to mind Jane's behavior.

On the way home, I had a talk with FirstKid. I told her how proud I was of her - of her focus, her commitment, her teamwork, her stamina, and most of all, of her smile which lit up the stage. I was very serious, and FirstKid knew that, but she replied to me, "But Mom, we didn't win anything. We stunk!" I said, "Did you do your best? Did you give it your all? Could you have done anything differently?" She understood, and I was even more proud of her because she did understand. We talked a lot about the divas and drama queens, and FirstKid talked about the moms, too. She and I don't have those special mother/daughter moments as often as we used to, now that she's on the verge on teenager-hood, but this was one of those times. She told me how glad she was that I was the kind of mom who supported her all the time and showed my pride whether she won or lost. I know my kid can dance, but even better, I know she knows what's important. My work here is done.

Make-up!

Remember the Muppet Show and the guy yelling, "Make-up!" every week? I do. It was always funny in that context. In regard to my own tween, it's not exactly as funny.

FirstKid is twelve and in her second year of middle school. She is a foo-foo kind of kid to begin with, but also is, in some ways, in a hurry to grow up. She tells me she sees her school peers wearing tons of make-up every day to school, and she is correct. I've checked it out, and indeed, many girls her age are wearing make-up. However, just because all the other kids' moms let them wear make-up doesn't mean I'll let mine.

I freely admit that I'm old-fashioned. LabDad is, as well, so at least we have a united front at home. I don't swear, gamble, or drink. I don't care for tattoos or odd piercings. It's just how I am. Jackie O was my fashion icon - a black dress and a strand of pearls, and I'm done. That being said, I'd love to say that I'm all for self-expression and diversity, but really, I'm not as open-minded as I ought to be.

Interestingly, over the past few months, a strange thing has happened. When seventh grade hit, FirstKid was all about make-up, accessories, the "right" shirts and jeans. Then, as party and Bar Mitzvah season hit and she found herself invited to a whole lot of fancy affairs, she made sure that the upscale dresses and heels were perfect. She started the season with the usual begging, that she really wanted to wear it, she is old enough, all of other girls are wearing it, and so forth. I admit to giving in, just for the really fancy events, and FirstKid did go easy on the goods: mascara, eye liner, light shadow, and tinted lip gloss. Somehow, though, over the past month, the party make-up has all but disappeared, and the daily routine is just mascara (she has blonde eyelashes, so I sort of understand).

Just when you think you have it all figured out, the rules change.

Turducken

I have a good friend who recently made a point of worrying about her fascination with certain words, and her subsequent brief episodes of obsession with them. While I, too, find myself fascinated with certain words and/or hung up on them, I believe my own obsession is more with the word's meaning itself. To illustrate this point, I would have you consider "turducken."

The local supermarket advertised in its pre-Thanksgiving flyer that it would be selling turducken. What exactly is turducken, you ask, as did I? It is a "roast" comprised of pieces of turkey, duck, and chicken, along with nuts and assorted filler stuff. Apparently, it is a desirable item. Or so they lead us to believe.

I guess the first scary part was that, upon seeing the ad, my husband said, "Oh, I want to try that." At first, I thought he was joking. Then he went on to discuss how it sounded like a good choice for a family meal. I suppose that the idea should not have been so objectionable to me. After all, I like turkey, I like duck, and I like chicken. Why, then, was I so skeeved out by this turducken idea?

I do not like turducken, dear,
I do not like it there or here.
I do not like those pieces parts,
That look like squid and smell like farts.
I like my poultry with a face,
Having grown in farming space.
I like a dinner that was killed,
Not mashed together from what spilled.
Turducken is, then, not for me,
So take that roast and let me be!

I tried to be rational, and the one word that kept coming to mind was "Spam." Now, to be truthful, I have never actually eaten Spam. I have seen it up close, and I have been with people while they were eating it. I even occasionally eat ham myself, so it isn't the main ingredient that's a problem. The thing is, though, that I am totally and completely grossed out by Spam. It's an irrational opinion, yet it is real. Okay, so is Spam the reason that I find turducken to be so disgusting?

I don't have an answer, in theory, but by next weekend, I hope to have a report on the real life experience of having turducken in the house.

Tweens

And I thought raising a puppy was challenging...

I have two daughters. FirstKid is 12 and SecondKid is 9. While I absolutely adore them both, FirstKid is not only higher maintenance in general, but she's also at THAT AGE. She is a true "tween" now - that scary stage that is between childhood and real teenagerhood. She secretly plays with dolls with the one remaining friend who also secretly still loves dolls; she likes to snuggle in bed with Mom and Dad every once in a while; and she is still slightly afraid of the dark. At the same time, she likes to babysit; she loves being independent and shopping with her friends at the mall; and she carries a cell phone. The trouble lays not in the process of metamorphosis, but in the attitude the caterpillar gives to Mom and Dad on a daily basis.

Tween Rules:
1. Mom and Dad know nothing, and they know less if my friends are around.
2. Mom and Dad only understand me if I yell all answers.
3. If Mom and Dad like it, I shouldn't wear it.
4. If Mom says no, ask Dad and pretend it's a new thought.
5. Treat all siblings as poorly as possible.
6. Disagree with or correct Mom and Dad at all times.
7. A huge after school snack will not ruin my appetite for dinner.
8. Television helps schoolwork.
9. Mom and Dad have to drive me wherever I want to go, whenever I ask, and immediately.
10. If I forget to take to school something like my trombone, it's Mom or Dad's job to drive it to school for me.

I gave birth to a delightful blonde baby who was full of smiles and loved to talk. My current housemate likes to correct every action I perform, is negative most of the time, and is impossible to squeeze for information. When did she make her cocoon? When did she poke a hole from which to look around and check the world out?

SecondKid is still in the delightful, obedient, helpful stage. I can only hope it lasts before that nasty caterpillar does its thing again. Of course, by then, my butterfly will hopefully be flying around, finding different ways each day to fill her life with joy.

This is my first REAL post, and since I have this cool title to my blog, I'll start with black labs. The honest truth is that I fell madly in love at age eight.

(Sung to the tune of "Copa Cabana")

His name was Pepper
He was a blockhead
With no leash upon his neck
He was really smart as heck

His owner brought him
Each week to practice
I rubbed his back and face and chin
Then my girlish head would spin

I knew I loved that pup
And when I grew up
I just had to have a lab
I had that canine "kup" (that's Yiddish for head or mindset)

Okay, okay, I'm just being silly. It is the truth, though, that I fell for a dog named Pepper at choir practice. His owner never had him on a leash because he didn't need one. He obeyed. He sat quietly. He endured children including me. He was smart and friendly and I began my fantasy of owning a black lab of my own some day. Six weeks after my husband and I bought our first house, we had a baby girl - an AKC registered female named Cricket. She was the sweetest thing - probably the dumbest, as well, but sweetest. I say she was dumb because if she was in the bathroom which had two doors and one was shut, she couldn't find her way out. On the other hand, she figured out how to work the step-on mechanism on the trash compactor and used it as a self-serve snack machine.

I'm going to fast forward to many years later (I'll post on the middle years at a later date.), a year after Cricket passed away and we were a family with a palpable hole in it. We heard that a direct descendant of the original Pepper was pregnant and expecting a litter of all blacks soon. Well, we just HAD to have one of Pepper's great-great-great...grandpups, and shortly found ourselves bringing home an eight week old, fifteen pound bundle of joy whom we reverently named Pepper.

Pepper is presently a 95 lb. GORGEOUS boy. He has a perfect block head, big paws, and a picturesque physique worthy of a calendar. While he has outgrown the obligatory mischievous puppyhood, he still has a few moments when he deserves the "I can't control myself" sign hung on him as he faces the wall in the corner. He cannot resist eating flip-flops; he nibbles trash novels; he gets high off of dirty sweat socks. On the other hand, he almost never barks, he freezes when he sees a squirrel or cat (like when the kids play the statue game), and he doesn't drink from the toilet. He is always in a good mood, and always has a wiggle for visitors. Regrettably, he is not a kissy dog, but he does prefer closeness, and his snuggle on the couch is worthy of attention. At two and a half years old, Pepper is the near perfect model of a suburban dog.

I'll tell you more later, but for now, suffice to say that I am truly in love with this beast.

Look out, bloggers, 'cuz here I come!

I've been secretly wanting to create my own blog for a while now, but it took a friend's gentle shove to get me to do it. I feel as if I just moved into a gigantic empty house - the potential is so exciting! I have to stop writing now, just to see what this looks like. I'll be right back.