The Parking Lot

My famous quote is: I have long maintained that the most important things in a mom's life are learned in the parking lot after a PTO meeting.

It may sound silly, but the reality is that every time my husband needed information and I was able to provide it, he would say, "How did you know that?" The answer always seemed to be, "Well, when I was talking to So-and-So in the parking lot, she told me about ..."

I have learned how to sign up for rec. department programs, where to get science fair project boards on sale, and when to camp out in line to assure that we get recital tickets. I have been privy to admissions of infidelity, disclosures of families who couldn't afford new coats, and knowing who is on Prozac. I found out about math homework websites, recipes for picky eaters, and great ideas for birthday parties.

Agendas in hand, fund-raising packets completed, armies of PTO moms hit the parking lots after meetings each month, thinking that they are going to get into their cars and drive away. In reality, the only time that actually happens is when the meetings run over and threaten to make the moms miss American Idol or Grey's Anatomy. The rest of the time, what actually transpires is that a benign comment is casually thrown from one minivan to the next, something such as "See you at the bake sale," and then before you know it, a conversation is born.

"The bake sale? Oh, I can't make that. Tommy has a game."
"Oh, Billy has a game, too, but I'm going to drop him off, and then run over to the bookstore to look for something before it's time to pick up at the game, and then I’ll go back to the bake sale."
"What are you looking for at the bookstore?"
"A cookbook for gluten-free meals. Harvey just got diagnosed with celiac disease."
"You don't say! Lou’s brother has celiac, too, and we need to really plan when they’re coming over for the holidays.”
“Well, we found gluten-free things at that health food store on the highway, but it’s so expensive, so I thought I’d better learn how to make some things myself.”
“That makes sense, but have you tried the Whole Harvest store in Smithfield? It’s not expensive.”
“The one in the plaza with the granite place?”
“Yes. In fact, we got our granite countertops at that place. They were so nice to us!”
“Well, they should be. The owner’s wife is Mrs. Jones, the fifth grade teacher at the kids’ school. It wouldn’t be good if they ticked off the students’ families, right?”

And on and on it goes. Who knows whom, this one’s related to that one, bargains to be had, socials studies projects, carpools to dancing, sales on helmets, etc. Before there was Google, there was the Parking Lot. And now that Google exists, the Parking Lot is even busier than before – a veritable swap meet of information, all valuable and relevant, and all because of moms.

Fragile X and FXTAS

Our very close friends and former next door neighbors moved to Florida more than 20 years ago, but we are still close. Sophie has two kids, Nina and Matt. Nina is married to Parker and has a son, Josh, now 20. Josh has Fragile X syndrome, a genetic disorder that manifests itself similarly to autism/mental retardation/developmental disorders, etc. Fragile X has only been studied since it was identified about 20+ years ago. Since then, of course, much research has been done about the syndrome and about the kids identified with it. Of course, many adults have it, too, but years ago they only went as far as to identify that these people had special needs, never fishing for a very specific cause. That being said, almost all of the literature out there is about Fragile X kids, not adults.

Our friend Sophie, now in her early 80's, developed some mobility, balance, and dementia-like issues very recently, and after being misdiagnosed with no specific cause first, then Parkinson's second, they finally found out the real culprit. She was tested, and she carries the Fragile X gene, but does not have Fragile X syndrome. Her daughter Nina also carries it, but does not have the syndrome, either. Because Nina's son Josh has Fragile X syndrome, Nina did some networking and found a doctor in California who is doing research on just this topic - the grandparents of Fragile X kids having dementia-like or Alzheimer's-like symptoms later in life, coming on suddenly. It turns out that there is a definite link, and the problem is called FXTAS. It took such a long time to find this information because there is so little info out there about Fragile X kids' parents or grandparents at this point. It was important to identify the exact cause, of course, because it determines the proper treatment.

So why am I telling you about this? Because it seems that there are probably a lot of older adults out there who are affected with symptoms that are automatically attributed to Parkinson's or Alzheimer's when, in fact, they are actually exhibiting symptoms caused by the Fragile X gene. If you know kids with Fragile X syndrome, you might want to let their families know about this information since it can potentially be an issue for the kids' parents or grandparents. A simple DNA test for Fragile X syndrome will tell if a person is a carrier.

The website which explains a lot is http://www.fragilex.org/html/fxtas.htm. There is also a great organization called FRAXA that has been supporting Fragile X research right from the time when this disorder was identified. You can find the site at www.fraxa.org.

As I've said for many years, the best information is always gleaned in the parking lot after a PTO meeting. Moms know this well. It's all about networking, sharing, and connecting, so from my virtual "parking lot," I wish you all the best, and hope that you or someone you know might benefit from this information.

Love the web

Over the years, I've become an internet junkie. Whether it's current events and news, shopping, jokes, or whatever, I think I could surf the web for twelve hours a day and not get bored. In response to my husband and kids teasing me about that, I thought I'd share some of my favorite sites.

1. http://www.amazon.com/ - The gold standard of online book shopping, Amazon has evolved into a site on which you can buy everything, not just books. Their prices are great, and I use the site a lot just to look up info.

2. http://www.cnn.com/ - Whether you love the news or hate it, or find biases in every bit of media, you have to love CNN just for its home page alone. You can get a pulse on what's going on the world in about three seconds, just by glancing at the main page. In Busy Mom World, anything that keeps you up to date in three seconds is good.

3. http://www.orientaltrading.com/ - This is the best place to find party stuff, school stuff, prizes, craft stuff in bulk, and so forth. For every mom who has put together a theme birthday party or goody bags, this site is the cheapest, and the minimun quantities are not a big deal. If you sign up for their e-mailings, you often get deals such as free shipping, discounts, etc.

4. http://www.vistaprint.com/ - I've been ordering business cards from them for many years. Their cards are printed on quality stock and always look very professional. I get them for myself so that when I drop my kids off somewhere, I can give the other mom my info. (cell phone number, dad's work number, etc.) in an efficient way. The cards look so good, actually, that my boss starting getting her business cards from them. Same story about signing up for e-mailings and getting great offers.

5. http://www.petfinder.com/ - If you have ever considered adopting a pet who needs a home, please check out this site. They are terrific.

6. http://www.speedypettags.com/ - We hate the jingling of tags, so we get collars with the dogs' name and phone number printed on the collar. These folks are very nice to deal with.

7. http://www.momnos.blogspot.com/ - This blog is written by one of my closest friends, an amazing, amazing writer. It's worth checking for new posts every week. While the majority of posts are about Bud, my friend's autistic son and her incredibly insightful thoughts about her experience of raising him, she tackles many topics. My favorite post ever was a recent one about hairdressers.

8. http://www.scrabulous.com/ - I am so hooked on this, it's obscene. If you love Scrabble, check this out.

9. http://www.airset.com/ - For those of us who don't own PDA toys, this online calendar is great. Not only can I manage my own life on it, but also the lives of all of my family members. Also, I can access it from any computer, and so can my husband. Airset sends you reminders about appointments and stuff, too.

10. http://www.chinaberry.com/ - This company started as simply mail order, and of course, evolved into internet shopping, as well. The beauty of this company, however, is that the reviews of each book or item are done by real people, real moms who can comment on why the item is a great choice or whom the item would best target. They only carry awesome things, picking and choosing their offerings very carefully. Love that.

11. http://www.skincheck.org/ - It's all about skin cancer. This non-profit group's website and work is all dedicated to the organizer's son who passed away from melanoma, a PREVENTABLE disease. I know the people personally, and their educational mission is to make sure that no young people ever lose their lives to skin cancer. I adore them personally and professionally. Check out the site, then check your skin.

Hope you like my list and my taste. I'll add more another time.

A dog's life

It's been a long time since the last post. Hey, we've been busy. The lab news, though, is all good. Well, mostly good.

April has settled in to our family and our routines. She is clearly the Alpha dog, whopping the stuffing out of Pepper every single day, but Pepper doesn't mind too much. He loves playing with April, and April certainly has boundless energy. The two chase each other all around the kitchen and family room, zooming at what seems to be a hundred miles an hour.

Now, anyone who knows labs knows that they have an innate need to run each and every day. Unfortunately, the weather doesn't always cooperate, and two labs running around a yard make a whole lot of muddy footprints, I'll tell you. But what happens when labs don't get to run off their steam every day? Let's see... Recently, we came home to black blobs all over the family room. It seems that ink cartridges (stolen from my desk) must be nice and crunchy because they were crunched up on the floor, there were black stains all over (and they don't come out!), and there was one very guilty-looking girl leaving black footprints all over the place. About a week later, we thought we'd come home to the same thing again, but this time it wasn't ink; it was a pound of coffee, the bag ripped open and the grounds all over. Hey, at least that mess vacuumed up!

So what is a lab owner to do to let the beasts run off energy when the weather or circumstances don't cooperate? Doggy daycare! I can't believe I didn't know about this before. A new business opened up right near our house, and it's a great place. They do dog daycare, boarding, grooming, and classes, but the best part is that for $15, I can leave a dog there to play for five hours - plenty long enough to exhaust the pooch, thereby leaving us with a perfectly behaved dog who has no desire to chew up my house or get into mischief.

The picture above (Pepper on the left, April on the right) is typical for the "after daycare buzz." It's good to be a dog in our house.

Heart to Heart

We knew April was heartworm positive when we adopted her, and we didn't mind. Heartworm treatment, we were told, involved two injections of medication that kills the adult worms, then a month later, an oral medication to kill the babies. We could do that, we thought. No problem.

The problem we didn't quite grasp was that during the month plus of treatment, the dog needs to be kept quiet: leash walking only, no exercise, no excitement, nothing that would make the dog's heart rate go up for long. Apparently, the little dissolving bits can make clogs, like an embolism, and can even kill the dog. The issue is that trying to keep a lab quiet is, as they said in Harry Potter, like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands. Labs don't keep quiet! They are maniacs, needing to run and jump and play for most of their waking moments. It's one of the qualities that makes labs so enjoyable and fun, but in this instance, it's a royal pain.

We have another three weeks or so before the oral medication appointment. It may not sound like much, but boy it seems like months!

April Fools

We have had April, our newly adopted rescue lab, for two weeks now, and we are having a blast with her. She is adjusting well, as are we. She seemed to adjust almost immediately, learning where her food and water are kept, what the "pottying" routine is, etc. We, too, learned how to manage two dogs instead of one, how to try to maintain Pepper as the alpha, and how to put away inappropriate things that April likes to chew. It's Pepper who has yet to make the adjustment.

Pepper is an interesting guy. At three years old, he's kind of mellow now, when once he was a crazy lab boy. He is not a barker. I don't know why, but he very rarely barks. He also rarely chases things like rabbits or squirrels, instead freezing in his tracks when he spots them. We certainly appreciate those traits, strange that they are for a lab. He also loves to play, but does not fetch like most retrievers do. He also does not like the playing into interfere with his afternoon naps. Apparently, he marches to his own drummer, but we're happy with his habits.

Along came April, though, and Pepper's world is now turned upside down. April is like the non-stop Energizer Bunny, never tiring and always looking to play. She bites Pepper's ears and legs, butt, tail, and private places that ought not be bitten. She shoves toys in Pepper's face until he joins in the tug-of-war which she enjoys so much, and she ALWAYS wins. She sits on his head, pins him to the ground, and puts her entire mouth around his neck. In short, she beats the stuffing out of him all the time...and he seems to love it. Despite Pepper's thirty pound advantage, he never gives it back to April. We're not sure why, but since they seem happy, we aren't interfering.

The one thing that we do mind is that April steals every single thing of Pepper's: his marrow bones, his rawhide, his tennis balls, and his cookies. In fact, April is so jealous of Pepper that if we are patting Pepper, she puts herself in between us so that we can't reach Pepper anymore. She's a stinker, but we love her.

And speaking of love, April has introduced us to a new way to express a dog's love: power kissing. She gives kisses with the force of a nail gun. We end up covered in dog drool, wiping glasses and needing paper towels to mop up. I know non-dog lovers will be totally grossed out, but we love it. In fact, we've had to try to reprimand her for trying to drill up our noses; even WE think that's gross!

So, here we are now - a two dog family who wishes we'd done the Labs4Rescue thing long ago. Pepper has a playmate, and we have a new baby. Pretty nifty, I'd say.

Gotcha Day

It's "Gotcha Day" at our house! We picked up the newest member of our family today - April! After a two hour drive to her foster family's house, we spent a couple of hours getting to know April and her foster mom and dad. They are fabulous, and we feel like we've made some life-long friends. Pepper and April play just like a brother and sister would, chasing, poking, biting, rolling, stealing... They adore one another already, and we are just so very happy.

Check out the pictures, and tune in soon when I'm awake enough to write some more.